How to do it — is all up to you.
Having made the choice to talk about it freely - I first called my mom. Made sure she was sitting in a comfortable chair and told her that it is Hodgkin after all (she'd heard the word several times from me before during the self-diagnostic stage and had made her own research on Hodgkin: the man and the disease he so carefully chose to discover).
She said something like "shit" — in mother's language that involves tears and badly-disguised panic.
Afterwards I called my father, with whom I am just building a new bond after long years of not sharing our life experiences with each-other. This was a bit tougher. My father obviously cares for me dearly, but he is not a person who share his feelings, and he doesn't really know me, my cynicism, my sarcasm and overall sense of humor. He also doesn't know my sensitivities and what can or cannot be told to my ears. And to be perfectly honest - I know the exact same nothing about him.
Strangely enough — the fact that his wife picked up the phone and got the news from me first, made it easier for me to repeat the story for him afterwards. I've already released the news to "his side"... he had some sense of the news before hearing them.
And then... I had to scream it out for everybody else.
So - I posted the one liner "it begins with a C and walks sideways" on my FB status.
The confused reactions started to flow, and I started answering the puzzled questions with details.
I later heard that a friend, 9 months pregnant, found it too brutal...
Sorry... couldn't help it.
Dealing with the news of a sick friend or family member is not simple:
most of us (me included) don't know what to say to this person, whom we love and care for. we are worried we might say the wrong things. so we avoid. and we keep avoiding dealing with the news on person-to-person level and the outcome is many times that we lose the whole connection with this person - just by being shy, and then being ashamed with our shyness and so it continues to roll until we no longer can initiate communication with the sick person.
My sister in law is getting confused with her own will to help.
My brother in law is completely lost for words, so he says nothing.
A loved cousin has told my mom that she doesn't know how to react.
Some dear friends have completely vanished
Some other are caring and doing more than I would have ever dreamt.
Some send cards.
There's a little girl who sends me drawings she makes for me in pre-school (by her own initiative!)
Some people pray for me in their houses of worship
Some share with me their own distresses so I won't feel lonely
Some avoid sharing their extreme joys so i won't feel lonely
...
When I was on the healthy side of things - I would be exactly like each and every one of them (except for the paying types... it has to end someplace).
If in the past I would feel that any of these reactions is wrong and would be deeply ashamed by reacting it myself - I now suddenly see it from the eyes of the sick friend.
I now understand that except of telling me to drop dead — all reactions are welcome.
I am more than able to contain them and deal with them all.
There is absolutely no wrong reaction.
Let's talk about it!
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