Sleepless in Amsterdam

It's been a while.
Not so much has happened, except for another chemo treatment on 27 April.
I feel rather shitty in general.
I'm tired
I'm depressed
I'm having nightmares
I'm tired
I'm bored
I'm losing my hair
I'm stinking from my mouth
I'm taking medications to treat the side effects of the medications I'm taking for the side effects of the chemo... these new medications are causing me other side effects... it's endless.
I wonder what's the point of it all
And I'm tired of all the above...

1. Losing my hair:
Hair is everywhere.
On the sofa, on my pillow, under my pillow, on the floor everywhere, in my toothbrush, in my food... you get the point. And if you know me — you'd know that I'm still wearing quite some hair on my head.
There's enough for everyone to begin with.
Today I noticed that the gaps between the hairs are bigger. I think sometime next week i'll shave off what's left.
* Positive:  I don't have bald patches. The hair is falling evenly — so there are no holes.
** Positive II:  Hair is falling everywhere in the body hair may grow. Free treat for the summer. I need to get me a swimsuit.

2. Bad breath:
Yuck. Seriously!

3.  Tiredness:
I'm just too tired to do anything. Even too tired to remember what i wanted to do and can't do because I'm tired (which can count as positive, I guess)
I'm sleeping more than I've ever slept. If anyone has some catching up to do with sleeping but no time to manage —  I'm willing to help and sleep for you (that's me — ready to step up to help a friend even when I'm sleeping — better than Sarah Silverman!)
Except for now. Now I CAN'T sleep.  This is because of being depressed — which is another topic (and also Erik ran out of his nose stickers and he's snoring)
* Positive: I'm writing in my blog, which will give you something to read during work tomorrow while I will be sleeping. Everybody happy!

4.  Medications for side effects of medications for side effects of medications...
So this is what's going on so far
The chemotherapy I get has the following side effects (among others, some even more impressive, but not relevant for this point):
Nausea and Diarrhea
To solve these, I take 2 medications with fantastic names: Dexametason and Granisetron (I managed to get the irritating spell check of the blog confused and for once speechless! Ha!)
Granisetron has a MAJOR side effect - It STOPS any bowls activity. Nothing goes up, but at the same time - nothing goes down past the stomach.
After the first chemo I thought I would die of the results of more than a week of blockage.
After the second chemo, I got a powder prescribed by the doctor to dissolve in water and drink twice a day. The lemon scented drink that came up, was so vile, that I really couldn't drink it more than twice, and suffered for the rest of the days — although less than before.
Before the third chemo - I asked for something else. So I got me some Magnesium pills to chew and these work wonderfully, except that they make me... fart like a pig.
I think by now you threw up your lunch, and I apologize for any inconvenience caused by my descriptions but believe you me - from my point of view (and smell) it's even worse.

5.  Granisetron is not a happy pill
Another problem with Granisetron, is that it is conflicting with my happy pills (the blue ones that keep me positive). Ooops.
What actually happens, is that on the 3 days I'm taking the Granisetron, I'm sort of going 'cold turkey' on the happy pills, and having the side effects thereof.
The side effects are:
Vivid and violent dreams
Depression (DUH)
The "what's the point" question becomes much more relevant.
Damn it.
On 28 May I have an appointment in the psychiatric clinic at the hospital to see if possible to change my happy pills.

6.  I'm bored:
So I will write another post.